Sometimes, we feel overwhelmed. We feel overwhelmed by the endless possibilities that we could imagine. All the what-ifs, the maybes, the future in which we have done something and ended up somewhere. However, it is not just one point in the future — rather think about endless possibilities scattered like stars in the universe – with the minor difference that it is all happening inside our brain.
When we are thinking about those possibilities, we are not just dreaming. We are not trying to find a path but rather, we are trying to understand what has to have happened for us to end up there. We don’t think about steps, we think about final destinations that are the end result of a series of actions. What those actions are? No one knows but you are expected to have it already figured out. Always.
We don’t think about the now, our dinner, the next hour, and for sure not the next breath that we take. Why would we spend time in the present if we are already busy worrying about tomorrow?
“What are your plans?”
“What are you doing this summer?”
“What will you do after graduation?”
“Well done for getting the new job, what are your career goals?”
“I enjoy my time with you but do you want to grow old together?”
How dare you get anxious, you are supposed to have it all figured out. Anxiety will just mess with the plan. Conversations will mess with the plan. Thinking will mess with the plan. Anything you do will mess with the plan. So you do nothing. However, not doing anything will mean that you don’t have a plan, that you cannot envision the future, that you are not taking any steps to create this future. And then you already failed.
We choose a destination... I want to be... when I grow up.
In 5 years, I will have bought a house, grow a garden and spend my time with my beautiful doggos, my family, and my amazing partner. Sometime in 5 years, I will have the life that I am dreaming about now. In the meantime, I will spend my time worrying about tomorrow. About all the steps that I am encountering along the way to get me to my beautiful destination. I am not living for the now, I am living for the idea inside my head that exists because people tell me it has to. Because of the expectations, others express when asking:
“What are your plans?”
So many questions. So many questions to which I did not have an answer, to which I did not want to have an answer since I want to live for what life has to give right now.
It might sometimes not be a lot and not as exciting as people expect but at least I get to live it. Whereas, the promise of tomorrow, the dream house, the doggos, the family and the amazing partner is a promise that no one can give.
Anais Urlichs Newsletter
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